No matter how many times you ask, I WILL NOT GO SEE YOUR BOYFRIEND’S BAND PLAY! We both know that they’re horrible, and you’re only supporting them because you want to be famous. It’s really too bad that you’re not talented or creative enough to achieve success on your own.

I’m shocked at how many of my friends have become a fan of “iPad Research Test it and Keep It.” IT’S A SCAM, GUYS. HOW DID ANY OF YOU GET INTO COLLEGE?

SELLING ITEMS ON ETSY DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER! Your items are cheap, tacky, and unoriginal. Do you really expect to make a living from selling plastic jewelry?

Yes, those pants do make you look fat.